Attention non-white people, I have been elected as representative for the recently formed coalition of angry white people – Fed Up Caucasian Kinship Trenchant About Racial Discrimination. We are tired of being discriminated against, and we demand equal treatment.
To that end, I make the following demands:
Immediately, WET will be established, so that white people have fair representation on television.
Immediately, December will be made White History Month, because it is the last month of the year, and the Great White Hero Jesus was born in December.
Immediately, the NAAWP will be created, to help fight the oppression and discrimination against white men and women.
Immediately, the White Panthers will be created, as a radical organization to go outside and around the racism and oppression of the system and force change for our oppressed white brothers and sisters.
Immediately, the White Reel Awards will be created, to celebrate the under-represented and under-appreciated group of white men and women who work in the entertainment industry.
We demand that the whiteberry will be made available so that we will have equal representation when it comes to cellular communication.
We demand that White Flag bug spray be made available. Blacks are not the only ones who have bugs, we have plenty of white trash that needs effective bug killing solutions.
We demand that the White & Decker line of power tools be made available, our aforementioned white trash families need tools to work on the rusted cars in their driveways with and we need tools to make available to our undocumented help with only a slight deduction to their wages.
We demand the formation of a group of historically white colleges and universities which will be funded by whites only scholarships.
Additionally, the following alternatives are to be considered viable speech: whitemail, whiteball, whitejack, whitelist, whitemarket, whiteout, and whitesmith.
We feel that we have been tolerant of your cruel and blatant oppression of and discrimination against us for long enough, we demand redress and will accept nothing less than full compliance with our manifesto.
Gaylord Q. Tinkledink
CEO, COO, Head Honcho, Big Cheese, “Just call me Mr.” and calendar pinup for the month of May 2010