Breastfeeding may lead to homosexuality, says study

BOSTON, Massachusetts (AP) — Links between breastfeeding trauma and homosexuality have been found, researchers report in a study conducted by psychologists at Harvard Medical School.

The study indicated that 75% of the 150 homosexual males that comprised the control group reported experiencing medium to severe trauma as an infant while breastfeeding.

“Based on the overwhelmingly high incidence of this sort of trauma among the gay males that we studied, we now theorize that an aversion to the female breast is imprinted at an early age in males when a traumatic event occurs involving breastfeeding,” said Dr. Helmholtz Watson, one of the study’s authors.

“It is this aversion that causes homosexuality.” Watson said.

The participants in the study ranged in age from 18 to 57 with equal representation from all ethnicities. Among the incidences of trauma listed in the study were a man who was dropped on his head resulting in mild memory impairment when he bit his mother during teething, and a man who was nearly suffocated when his mother fell asleep during a feeding.

“It makes sense that men would turn away from women subconsciously if they experienced trauma at an early age involving a woman’s sexual organs. They would then, naturally, turn to the only other sex available — men,” said Dr. Bernard Marx, another of the authors. “It’s not a choice, not consciously, but we believe that it’s largely influenced by nurture, rather than nature.”

The study has garnered the attention of the Republican Party which has proposed a bill before Congress to ban breastfeeding. The bill — HR 3162, would make breastfeeding illegal both on private and public property. Women found breastfeeding would face a $1000 USD fine and up to two years in prison.

“The health benefits of breastfeeding are vastly overshadowed by the fact that it now appears that it might be turning men gay,” said Rep. Winston Smith [R- TX], sponsor of the bill. “If we can stop homosexuality in its tracks, we’d be morally wrong not to. These women need to be held accountable for their actions.”

The study was published in the Volume 14 [Summer 2007] issue of The Harvard Brain.


One thought to “Breastfeeding may lead to homosexuality, says study”

  1. Well, I’ve definitely got a gay on the way then. He’s only 11 now but this explains everything. After nursing the little monster for 2 years, I was done, but I knew it was going to take some real creative shit to wean him. If it came down to who had the stronger will, I admit it was likely I would lose spectacularly. I knew that my best chance was to turn it into a battle of wits and pray that at 2 years old, his skills hadn’t already surpassed mine. What can I say? The child was gifted. So, I went out and bought some of that bitter stuff you use on a kid’s fingernails to stop them from biting, and I slathered that shit all over my nips. I had been telling him for a few days it was almost time to give up the boob, and he responded as expected with a confident “We will see about that” look. After his birthday party, I told him the nunny turned yucky when a little boy turns 2. As if he had been preparing for this fight and knew exactly what I was up to, his expression said, “Let’s do this then, bitch”. However, after his lips touched it, he quickly realized I wasn’t lying and conceded that the nunny had in fact turned yucky. I had to stay on top of it, making sure I reapplied the stuff every couple of hours so I would be prepared just in case he forgot or wanted to give it another try. He was no idiot and I knew he would catch on if I said “Hold please” and went in the other room to reapply when he tried to tap the keg. He attempted it 2 or 3 more times, but it was a contest I won easily and to this day I am proud of. Well, I was anyways, until I read this article. I have to disagree with the idea of making breastfeeding illegal, rather, I think we should combat this awful disease by insisting that mothers breastfeed longer and do whatever it takes to make it pleasurable. I would have gladly nursed my son straight through college had I known he would catch the gay because of this breast trauma I put him through. I’m sure it didn’t help that his dad gave him his first Little Debbie fudge round that night either. It likely caused him to associate comfort and satisfaction with a man just as he was so vulnerable from being rejected by a woman, not to mention the obvious correlation between the name/color of the treat he was given and the horrifying images of gay sex. I feel so naive for not putting 2 and 2 together sooner. He went from playing with the trucks and tools he got for his birthday that year to stealing his sister’s barbies and princess dresses immediately. He lost interest in his new baseball bat and glove and instantly became obsessed with putting on makeup. Of course I knocked those ideas right out of his head very quickly like any loving homophobic Christian Republican mother would do, but I do have to admit I have suspected he secretly continued to participate in such sinful behavior. Now after reading this, I have no doubt. Sadly, it’s too late for my (soon to be disowned) son, but you mothers of newborns should be so thankful you have access to this information so that you won’t make the same mistakes I did.

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