The big day

So, today was the big day. Found out I was pregnant on July 13th and it’s taken me this long to be able to get the abortion. Two ultrasounds, blood work, pee tests, all that great stuff. Learned that only one doctor in my city performs abortions, and only at the hospital in the next city over, so Canada’s laws might be some of the most favorable in the world when it comes to accessing abortion, but that doesn’t always make it easy to access.

Woke up at 6:30, had to be at the hospital for 8:45 for a 10:45 surgery. Had a brief moment in the cab on the way there where I thought I would burst into tears (not because of what was about to happen, but because of the realization that the last three times I’d been to that specific hospital my grandfather had died, my mother had died, and I’d had a miscarriage), but I got myself together and avoided the embarrassment. Got checked in, the wait was long and boring, but not as long and boring as waiting a month and a half since the day I found out, heh. On the plus side, I learned I’ve lost 12lbs since my last weighing. As usual, the nurse had trouble with the IV, and after what felt like a beating and five minutes of pumping my fist, she finally got the IV in. I think I’ve lost track of the amount of times I’ve been told by a medical professional that I have “bad veins”.

They wheeled me to the OR around 10:45 and did the usual surgery checks. I got a general anesthetic, for which I was grateful, as I didn’t really want to be awake for the procedure. With my anxiety, I expected I’d fight the anesthetic, but I only remember three deep breaths before waking up 30 minutes later in OR recovery. 15 minutes later they took me to recover on the ward where I was rejoined by my husband. Got some pills for the pain and some pills to prevent infection, and was discharged just after 12:30.

So I’m home now, and reflecting on everything. I feel lighter now, the invisible weight I was carrying on my shoulders is gone. Looking back, I’ve only cried once during this entire ordeal, and that briefly, and I don’t really expect to cry now. I can’t say there isn’t part of me that’s sad, and wishes things could have been different. A third child probably would have been nice, but we’re not prepared financially, we’re not prepared mentally, and this is the reason I had a tubal ligation in the first place. Mostly I just feel relieved, because it’s over and I can move on. A lot of people helped me through this time and I thank them all and give them my love.

I’ve always been pro-choice, and I am so, so glad that this procedure is legal and safe, and that it was an option for me. But I hope I never have to go through it again.

B.

2 thoughts on “The big day

  1. I completely support your decision to do this. Twice I’ve been in that situation, burdened with a fertilized embryo that I could neither raise nor afford, and life is better for it now, for all involved.

    Your life is your own, and you have to do what you know is best. Those who love you for who you are will support you no matter what, and those who don’t support you have no idea.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *